He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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