yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
