sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
