I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My penis needs a shock collar
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize