I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
