I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
