im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
