I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Umm I'm too high to move.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
