Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
