You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
