Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
