oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
