dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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