I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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