my mouth tastes like poor choices
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
