I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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