That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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