just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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