Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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