I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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