Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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