My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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