I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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