Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
