Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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