You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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