haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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