fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
