I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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