So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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