I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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