We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
