I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
