I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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