i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
