I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am one with the molecules
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
