please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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