I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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