Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
