I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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