Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
