your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
