Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
