The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
