I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
