I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
