Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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