He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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