I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
