My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
