i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
