So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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