How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
