There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
