he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize