how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
