Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
