So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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