but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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