when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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