1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
