She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
