I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
