thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize