I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
