Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
