I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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