Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
