R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
