there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
