i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i think i just lost a toe
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
